Saturday, June 30, 2012

What a year!

Do not open until August. ;)
I was only about four months along here.  I'm much bigger now!
I have to guiltily admit that I let life get in the way of my writing and reading this year.  If you notice, my last post was in December (I know, December!) shortly after I destroyed my laptop with a glass of milk and in the time it took to replace it and save my old work, I had gotten in the habit of not writing.

Partly, it was laziness.  Partly, it was for my sanity.  You see, this past year was my first year teaching at a new school and I found that I had a hard time giving my heart to both things - teaching and writing.  I seemed to end up resenting one more.

I would get advice:  Just write for an hour or so a night.  Unfortunately, once I get my brain into the zone, I tend to stay there awhile to the detriment of my personal and professional life (and sleep schedule).

So, I made a choice.  It was my students and family.  I don't regret the choice.  The first year at a new school is incredibly hard - even with previous teaching experience.  But I want to make some changes to accommodate both next year.

My goal is to both write and teach in the upcoming year, but I have to change the expectations I put on myself.

1.  Get in the habit of writing with my students every week.  This will benefit all of us.  I cannot promise every day.  In a perfect world, I would, but obviously this is not a perfect world and I am far from perfect!  Which leads me to number two....

2.  Forgive myself more.  I allow myself to be consumed by guilt.  It is a serious personality flaw.  I suspect guilt helped me avoid my computer.  The worse I felt about not writing, the less likely I was to do it and the more negative my feelings about it and myself became.  I have to stop and let myself just be and enjoy the process.

3.  Stop making goals.  Just write.  I can only do so much, especially considering how my life is going to change shortly.  Which leads me to another confession....

I must also admit that I haven't been reading much this year either (besides students' papers, that is).  Yes, I know.  What kind of English teacher am I?  The reason for this is a good one though.  I found out, shortly after my last blog post, that I'm pregnant.  My husband and I are expecting our first baby in August!  A little girl!  :)

And ever since I got pregnant, whenever I pick up a book (or sit down for any extended time period), I fall asleep.  I can't help myself.

The good news is that I am no longer an insomniac (although soon I'll be getting very little sleep again).

The bad news is obviously that I miss reading and am so frustrated with myself.  I will say that I still read EVERY day of the week.  EVERY day.  However, while I used to devour pages upon pages, I now get through ten pages - tops.  So, it's a process.

All in all, forgive me for neglecting this blog and my passions - reading and writing.  I'm just trying to do the best I can.  Aren't we all?  And I know that with the birth of my daughter, I will have new priorities, but I hope to never completely give up my passions and dreams.

None of us should.